I remember being excited to go to the circus in my childhood. I was amazed with the bright lights, colorful decorations, trained animals, and the acts of the performers on stage. The atmosphere created excitement, mystery, and allure. I never knew that the circus would come to life in my quest for love and that I would co-star in it instead of watching from the audience.

In the beginning, each performer in the circus of my life, captivated me with their handsome looks, charms, and play of words. Just as soon as I had fallen, their true characters of deceit were unmasked. Instead of paying attention to the warning signs, I joined the circus in hope of proving my loyalty and gaining love in return. As a result, I began jumping through hoops to make them happy, while I was losing myself in the process. The irony I later discovered is that I was the muse that each performer used to gain appeal to the world audience in order to hide personal insecurities within.

In hind sight, I am grateful for the lessons that being apart of the circus taught me. I am glad to be able to look back at being a part of the circus and see the good in finally getting the strength to leave it behind. I was drawn to the illusion, of what I once thought love was. I know now that love is not a circus. It’s not meant to tease or take advantage of one’s kindness. God is love and that is sufficient for me.  A favorite scripture that reminds me of what real love is and inspires me that love is possible:

I Corinthians 13:4-7 (King James Version):

4. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.
5. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh noth her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7. Beareth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things.

Ronni Lauren